


sweetheart-deals (to kill your darlings)

by sleep_pronoia (nap_princess)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Culture, Death, F/M, I'm shit at talking about culture, Modern AU, Romance, Smoking, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 18:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20710691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/sleep_pronoia
Summary: Linus thought there was something special about wanting to be colourful in the most ordinary way. It may sound silly, but he knew he would like her romantically. He can't offer much, he's ordinary too, but he wants a love that makesShakespeare'sRomeojealous.– LinusEri





	sweetheart-deals (to kill your darlings)

**Author's Note:**

> Notes 1: It's that time in my life where I read **Haruki Murakami** books and think about death.

**sweetheart-deals (to kill your darlings)**

* * *

* * *

**i**

* * *

"Hi." A voice calls suddenly, causing the girls to turn their heads.

Eri notes the redhead man behind the counter, never lifting her gaze to flit around the tattoo parlour.

"Hey, I'm here for my appointment." Kalaivani says then mentions her full name and appointment time.

"I'm Linus." He replies then does a few clicks on the computer in front of him. "Three o'clock? You'll be seeing David."

"Okay." Kalaivani nods.

Linus gets up from behind the reception desk. He was tall, and he leads the way with long strides.

Kalaivani pulls her short friend along with her. "This place looks a little dead," Kalaivani whispers to Eri.

"Shh, the staff might hear you." Eri whispers back, eyes on the back of Linus' fiery head.

"I'm just nervous, okay? I don't want this to be a big red flag that I'm not seeing. Should I bolt now? I don't want to make any regrettable mistakes."

"You're getting a small tattoo, it should be fine." Eri replies.

David was introduced and it all seemed polite and profession. And just like Kalaivani has said, the shop had been a little slow. There wasn't much to do, no one to ink, so Linus came over for a chat with David and girls. Or, at least, that was the plan.

"Sorry that I can't say much, it's the pain." Kalaivani says to Eri as her face scrunches up from the pain of getting her first tattoo.

Eri pats on Kalaivani's hand but doesn't offer more. Eri was here for emotional support but Kalaivani wanted nothing more than to squeeze the life out of the armchair she was sitting in.

"So what's your name?" Linus asks after gesturing for Eri to sit in a comfortable waiting chair as he spun on the swivel chair behind the reception desk.

"Eri."

It turns out both Linus and Eri could hold lengthy conversations about art and design. Eri told him she's always had a passion for art but never pursued it.

"That's why Kalai brought me with her." Eri says, referring to her friend dearly. "She said I have an eye for these things, she didn't want a random collage of tattoos. She wanted them to be evenly placed and matching."

"So, she wanted it to be aesthetically pleasing?" Linus says.

"Yes, exactly!" Eri answers with a smile.

He looks at her and decides that she is the shy type, with polite smiles and soft arching eyebrows. He didn't think she could look angry even when very upset. He feels like she could settle conflict like a proper adult, with maturity and good intentions.

And he tells her this. He says, "I think you're very mature. I'm twenty-three and I still act like a kid."

"I'm actually very childish. I still watch _anime_." Eri says to Linus.

"What's wrong with _anime_? _Anime_ is cool."

"It may be viewed differently in other countries but it's viewed as childish cartoons back home. I'm in my twenties and yet I still watch cartoons."

"What's your favourite _anime_?" Linus asks, catching Eri by surprise.

"Ah, it depends." She replies, a serious look on her face. "Are you asking about art style? Plot? Character development?"

Linus lets out a hearty laugh. "You've put a lot of thought into this."

"I like _anime_ a lot."

Linus nods. He could see her passion. "I haven't caught up in a while. I had a friend come over for dinner once. He knew I watched a bit of _anime_, he was a huge fan. He greeted me in Japanese, and I swear all my _weeaboo_ knowledge went out the window."

This time, Eri laughs. "What did he say?"

"I don't know. Maybe 'good evening'? I'm not going to butcher a language I don't know. I don't want to be culturally insensitive, I already say a lot of stupid stuff. Actually, I think I already said something stupid to you. Did I offend you earlier by saying '_weeaboo_'?"

"I don't mind it. I mean, I prefer being called an '_otaku_'. '_Weeaboo_' is insulting, in a sense."

"I'm sorry." He apologises.

"You don't have to apologise to me. But, do be careful. Don't use that term around _otakus_ who can't take a joke. Or, Japanese people who have an interest in _anime_ and _manga_." Eri says. "I know_ anime_ makes things look wonderful but it can only portray so much. Not everything you see reflects real life and true Japanese culture, it's not just cat ears and girls running late to school with bread in their mouths. Some people can tell the difference between reality and some can't."

* * *

Realistically speaking, Linus knows Eri isn't perfect.

When she gets mad – which is not often – her face turns a shade of pink and a visible vein on her forehead pulses.

Eri had habits, nothing he found bad. But nothing he found outrages either, not enough to label her as 'eccentric' like some who dream of manic pixie girls. Eri liked highlighting various passages of a book. It was never had a theme or was colour coded, just lines that stuck out to her. Most book lovers might think she's insane (her words, not his). Eri had expressed that people might think she's ruined a good book as a whole. But, Eri thinks the highlights gives the book character. Like when a house is cluttered (not messy, _cluttered_); filled with belongings like family photos and height charts by a door frame and drawings stuck against a fridge. Eri says, if she wanted to be dull, she'd leave the book as it is. But, she didn't want to be boring, even if she thought her life was mundane. Eri wanted to appreciate the book – even if underlines with pencil markings were the bare minimum.

Eri was human, if anything. She was filled with flaws and wants and desires.

Linus thought there was something special about wanting to be colourful in the most ordinary way. It may sound silly, but he knew he would like her romantically. He can't offer much, he's ordinary too, but he wants a love that makes _Shakespeare_'s _Romeo_ jealous.

* * *

"This sketch is bad." Eri says and she looks at her doodle: a portrait of someone looking to the left. Head and shoulders, black eyes and a straight nose, good-sized ears and a crooked smile.

Linus peers at her drawing then replies, "It doesn't have to be beautiful, it just has to be you."

Eri looks over at him like she's seeing him in a new light.

He offers her a fleeting grin, he can feel the tips of his ears turning as red as his hair. "That sounded deep, didn't it? I can do more than quote memes all day, you know?"

"I know you're more than 'the funny guy', Linus, you don't have to sell yourself short."

This time, Linus was sure his entire face was red. "Um, okay, thanks."

* * *

"Hey, what is it in this world that you want the most?" He says with a cigarette caught between his teeth. He blows the smoke away from her and into the night sky. The breeze is endearing.

"That's an easy answer." She blinks into at the stars and moon. "But, what I want can't be bought or sold."

* * *

"I like you, Eri. You're a very kind person." Linus confesses to her one day at a coffee shop. Autumn has passed and it's starting to really freeze.

Eri looks up at him, their height difference was a little ridiculous at times. 30cm. "Is kindness enough?" Eri asks him.

A smile passed on his face, seeming to linger on his lips for just a moment and then vanishing. "It's enough for me."

.

.

.

From the corner of his eyes, he catches her shiver. And without saying a word, he takes her hand and pulls it into the pockets of his Winter coat, his fingers intertwined so she doesn't pull away.

"Ah –" She begins. If this was a movie, there would be soft music playing in the background, delicate like a music box.

"Just to warm you up." He says simply. "Is that okay?"

She found that she didn't dislike it.

.

.

.

He had won her heart a long time ago. She doesn't think it'll ever beat for another.

* * *

**ii**

* * *

Kalaivani doesn't even care that she's barging on Eri's meal, she just slides across the seat and rests her elbows on the tabletop all authoritatively. Kalaivani asks, "What the hell is going on?"

Eri looks up from her meal for a moment, mouth full of food. "Hi, Kalai."

"Who was that man you were just with? The redhead; is he your boyfriend?"

Eri gives Kalaivani a closed mouth smile, showing amused above anything. It makes Kalaivani wants to fight everybody in the cafe.

Kalaivani asks, "I saw you just last week collecting money for a charity, are you telling me you're now a sugar baby for some hot dude?"

"What? You think sugar babies can't help out the unfortunate?" Eri says, she's not this innocent sweet creature. Then she swallows her food and says, "The redhead is Linus, you've met him."

"I have?"

"At the tattoo parlour. He was the one behind the reception desk, remember?

Kalaivani stares at her tattoo on her brown skin then at her friend. "No, I was probably too nervous to remember faces. I think I was busy worrying that my tattoo would get fucked up." Then Kalaivani says, "Wait, you didn't even answer my question. Are you two dating?"

"Yeah." Eri nods.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Well, we've only been hanging out for three months." Eri explains with a shrug. "It was kinda sudden. I thought he was just being friendly for the longest time, I didn't want to make up any assumptions of him liking me. I mean, what if I fell down a rabbit hole of fantasies when he could have just been very polite?"

Kalaivani pulls a face that read _Are you blind?_ before saying, "Three months? _Guuurl,_ how much do you know about him?"

"A fair amount." Eri answers, her meal now momentarily ignored.

"And what about him?" Kalaivani asks. "Have you told him?"

"About?" Eri asks back.

"Your shitty lungs."

"He knows about my asthma." Eri clarifies.

Kalaivani raises a brow, long lashes blinking. "Then why did I see him smoke a whole pack of cigs while standing two feet apart from you? Do you want to die? Don't die over a boy, okay?"

"I'm not going to die over a boy. I'm fine."

"Well, you may be fine but you're not perfectly healthy."

Eri can only sigh.

* * *

There are a lot of things she adores about Linus – his ability to make her laugh, his passion for the arts, his ability to recognise and talk seriously when he could have easily joked around like his usual manner.

To most, he stands out with his fiery red hair, his freckles and glory tattoos.

But to her, it was the little things; his goofy memes, him tripping on the sidewalk, him not getting embarrassed when food is caught in his teeth and times he misheard her – "Linus, what time is it?" "Hmm, what? Yeah, okay." "No. I asked, _what time is it_?" "Oh._ Oh._ Sorry." "It's okay." "It's two twenty–five." "Okay,"

He is lovely. And though she promised Kalaivani she wouldn't die over a boy, Eri can't help but think Linus is not just _a boy_.

* * *

**iii**

* * *

He's dressed in a dark sweater and an even darker Winter coat when he greets her at the airport – his attire makes him stand out; a contrast with his pale, freckled skin and flaming, red hair.

"Thelma!" Linus says, his voice booming among the people waiting. He recognises his sister's pale ginger hair anywhere.

Thelma tugs on her luggage and glances down at her brother's dark jeans and black shoes. His whole outfit is sombre.

"Why are you dressed like an emo?" Thelma asks.

"Shut up," He tells her.

Thelma rolls blue her eyes and says to him, "Carry my bag for me."

"We haven't spoken for a minute and you're already bullying me."

"I'm not bullying you."

"Yes, you are."

"Nevermind, forget that I asked, your arms are too skinny anyway."

"I'm telling Mama you bullied me."

"Grow up, Linus."

.

.

.

His sister, Thelma, is visiting, and that means Linus gets to hang out with his two favourite people in the world.

He likes the fact that his sister and fiancée gets along swimmingly. Not a lot of people can say this; but his sister is his best friend.

And right now, as he watches the two women converse, Linus feels his chest bloom.

Eri does a gesture that Linus associates Eri with when she is genuinely happy; waving both hands, small palms open for the world to see. Thelma barks out a laugh in reply, the sort where he would make fun of when they were children.

They're both happy, and that makes his happy in return.

* * *

He can tell Eri isn't feeling well. She has been under the weather for a couple of weeks now.

"It's just a bad flu." Eri tells Linus, concealing a cough. "My doctor says I should get those air purifiers. It'll help me breathe better."

"Shouldn't you get an asthma inhaler?" Linus asks. It was obvious he was concerned from the knot on his face and the way he held her hand tightly.

"I asked my doctor, he said it wasn't needed. I haven't needed one since I was twelve." Eri dismisses.

"Should you see a new doctor then?"

"Don't be silly, Linus. It's only the flu."

His blue eyes flit towards the pharmacy Thelma had entered. His sister insisted on buying stronger flu medicine, and some lemon and honey for cups of warm tea.

"Well," Linus says slowly before he looks at Eri and says, "If you're sure."

"I am."

His heart weighs heavy, he can feel it beating through his shirt and the box of cigarettes in his breast pocket.

.

.

.

"I need to lie down. I think I need to close my eyes," Eri says; all of this in the softest tone he's ever heard her speak in.

"You rest." Linus agrees, touching a lock of her jet black hair. The short stand falls against her slim neck.

"Can you hold me while I sleep?" She asks. She reaches out, mirroring his gesture; brushing his hair, feeling softness and oils and the feeling of him on her fingertips.

"Of course." He looks into her brown eyes. "Of course, I will." He says again.

"Sorry. I must look so sickly for you to worry about me this much." She apologises, suppressing a cough once again.

"Don't say such a thing. I don't think it's possible for you to stop being beautiful."

* * *

**iv**

* * *

Linus and Eri. Eri and Linus.

No matter how Thelma spun it, she worried. There were times when Thelma wondered about the possible clash of their cultures. Were they too different? Eri was from Japan, she was conserved in an obvious way; shy, soft-spoken and often wearing long skirts that reached her ankles. Her mannerism made her baby brother look even more like a baby.

Linus can be_ such a boy_ at times. Thelma wonders when he'd ever grow up. He can smoke all the cigarettes he wants, that nicotine addiction won't prove shit.

Thelma doubted for a while. But, after flying down and seeing Linus and Eri together with her own two eyes, their dynamic made Thelma notice a change in her brother. Something that was more obvious in person than through their phone calls and video chats.

Linus cares about Eri a lot.

Thelma found; while Eri was a considerate person, her only child status formed habits in her that needed time in adjusting. Eri didn't like confrontation or understand the act of annoying your sibling just because you could. And though Eri wasn't selfish in any way, sometimes she didn't consider other people in her actions. It was nothing malicious, just minor habits like eating the last piece of a snack without asking if anyone wanted it or turning off lights when someone was still in the room.

Eri was often self-involved, a bit of a space head. It was because of this that Linus started looking out for Eri more. Thelma thought it was cute that her brother was taking care of someone for a change. Being the oldest sister, Thelma's been taking care of Linus for as long as she can remember, so much so that a part of her almost feared he couldn't care for himself.

But, now, he's proved her wrong. And she's glad that he did.

* * *

"You and Linus have a very nice sibling dynamic." Eri had once said politely.

A smile had stretched on Thelma's face as soon as the comment left the Japanese woman's mouth. "Sometimes I think he's a brat and sometimes I think he's one of my best friends. It's not all sunshines and rainbows. Linus can be difficult,"

"You have some critics about him?"

"I mean, I've seen him do some questionable things – like, cry over people who don't deserve his tears and pour milk in the bowl before the cereal, but he's my brother." Thelma says before asking, "What do you think of Linus?"

"He's nice, I think he's a good one. He likes holding my hand a lot, better than those boys who just want to kiss and make out. He's always the first to reach out and the last to let go – it's sweet."

"You're talking like you two are teenagers in puppy love." Thelma laughs. "But, it's good that he's treating you well."

Eri nods.

A question mounts on Thelma's tongue. She wants to ask if Eri would ever consider telling Linus to stop smoking. She almost asked, but doesn't.

Thelma almost found it ironic that her brother, who smokes too much, fell in love with a woman with weak lungs. Linus had told Thelma that Eri has asthma and that she's stopped using her inhaler since she was a kid, but according to Eri, she says she still hates it when she gets the flu because her lungs 'suck worse'.

Eri had said, _"The phlegm always gets stuck in my throat, it blocks my air passage, it's like I can't breathe or swallow."_

"Well, then," Thelma says, inhaling the cold Winter air deeply. "I hope you two are happy."

* * *

When Thelma woke up from her afternoon nap, something told her to check on her brother.

Even before she had drifted off to sleep, she felt uneasy. But she wasn't a doctor or a nurse, and Thelma thought she was just paranoid. She had just met Eri, the woman would be family soon, but she was almost still a stranger.

At this moment, it felt like the calm before the storm. Thelma didn't hesitate to cross the guest room and across the hall. But, the moment she raised her freckled hand to the bedroom door, she felt dread seep into her bones.

"Linus?" Thelma calls.

A choked sound answers her, she didn't hold back from opening the door and entering.

There on the bed was Linus holding Eri who looked paler than usual.

"Linus –"

"She's dead, Thelma!" Linus says, his voice cracking. "I – Oh God, I fell asleep too and she – she died. She was in my arms but I couldn't save her!"

Thelma never did like seeing her brother upset, she's seen her brother cry many times in her life. But she's never seen him utterly defeated; even when he lost in art competitions he tried his very best in, even when he didn't get into the college he wanted. And seeing him utterly broken broke her too.

The sound he made was not human. He was crying into Eri's shoulder and holding onto her limp body tightly, in a crushing manner, like he wanted to crash her back into his life. It was like Linus was afraid that, if he were to let go then Eri's body then she would disappear and she'd evaporate from his life.

"Linus. _Linus_." Thelma begs, not daring to touch her brother. "Perform CPR."

"What?" Linus sobs, freckled face red and wet from tears.

"Restart her heart." Thelma starts, barking orders like she's used to. Being the older sister instilled this into her. Her brother is twenty-five, but, right now, she's reminded of the same six-year-old boy who cried over the death of his goldfish. "Mama and Papa forced you to join boy scouts when we were little, you learned how to do this, you _can _do this!"

"I – No, I don't know if I can!" He says like a man withdrawing from addiction.

"You can still save her, Linus! Pull yourself together!"

"I –"

"Pull yourself together, I'm going to call the ambulance!" She snaps and races back into the guest room to grab her phone. She prays while the dial rings.

.

.

.

If he could describe her suffering; it could be worded like _Ophelia_'s death. One that was slow and suffocating. An act of choking and drowning.

He misses a lot of things most people would not when thinking of her – the spaces in her stares, her hands that were good at making and the colourful books she left behind.

* * *

**end**

**Author's Note:**

> Notes 2: I don't know what this is. What's the lesson learned? Don't suffer and die over a boy? Smoking is bad? Stop smoking near me and your loved ones, you're passing on cancer? Use your inhaler, kids? Don't listen to one doctor just because you've been seeing them for a long time and because there might be another doctor who can give you better medical advice?
> 
> It's just a bunch of stuff, really. Or is it just fiction? (insert conspiracy theory music) Am I only talking about death because of the haze in Southeast Asian and the fact that I low-key think the area 51 raid will fail? Probs. I'm bored, I'm starved from creativity, and I wanna write about the death of characters nobody cares about.
> 
> – 20 September 2019


End file.
